Digital Parenting Lab

Easter holidays are over, and the school gates are buzzing again. Parents are catching up, children are excitedly sharing stories, and photos from holidays begin to circulate.

And then it happens.

You overhear one parent talking about a birthday party your child’s close friend attended, a party you knew nothing about. You were in town the whole time. Your children used to be close.

Worse still, your child overhears the conversation too and looks at you, confused.

Most parents recognise this uncomfortable moment. That quiet, sticky feeling of exclusion and uncertainty.

This is FOMO – the Fear of Missing Out.

While these experiences have always existed, digital platforms amplify them. Endless scrolling through Instagram stories and holiday photos can make it feel as though everyone else is constantly enjoying something we, or our children, were not part of.

And the emotional impact? It feels very real.

But what exactly is FOMO, especially in children? And how is it affecting their mental health and wellbeing?

In this post, I explore:

• what FOMO really is
• what research tells us about its impact on children
• and what parents can actually do about it

What is FOMO?

Like many other fears, the fear of missing out can be irrational and shaped by our own perceptions. As Tomczyk and Selmanagic-Lizde (2018) describe it, FOMO is “a syndrome that begins with a pang of envy, anxiety, self-doubt, and a gnawing sense of inadequacy” (p. 542). Unfortunately, as the authors suggest, FOMO may predominantly affect children and adolescents, making them particularly vulnerable in the online environment.

One of the most widely used definitions of FOMO in research comes from Przybylski et al. (2013), who define it as “a pervasive apprehension that others might be having a rewarding experience from which one is absent” (p. 1841). They also note that FOMO is driven by the urge to stay constantly informed about what others are doing.

In their study of 2,079 young adults across the United States, 75% reported experiencing FOMO, particularly in relation to enjoyable experiences shared on social media (Przybylski et al., 2013). Their findings link FOMO to social media use, psychological needs, and emotional well-being.

FOMO is a complex phenomenon that involves both personal emotions and social influences. It is shaped by how we perceive ourselves, as well as by our past experiences, which makes it difficult to fully understand. As a result, researchers have examined FOMO from a range of theoretical perspectives.

Why do children experience FOMO?

So where does this feeling actually come from? Let’s dive into the key theories that help explain FOMO.

• The need to belong – Self-determination theory (Deci & Ryan, 1985). At its core, SDT emphasizes three basic psychological needs: autonomy, competence, and relatedness (or the need to belong). From the perspective of FOMO, the need for belonging (relatedness) plays a critical role in understanding how and why FOMO develops, particularly in children and adolescents. This theory highlights how unmet social needs in digital spaces can lead to FOMO, especially in children who rely on social media for connection.

• “Where Do I Fit In?” – Social identity and self-categorization theory (Tajfel & Turner, 1986). This theory complements SDT by explaining how individuals define themselves based on group memberships. In the case of FOMO, children often compare their social standing to that of their peers, feeling excluded when they are not part of shared experiences, which can exacerbate the fear of being left out.

• Constant comparison – Social comparison theory (Festinger, 1954) suggests that individuals assess their own abilities, status, and opinions by comparing themselves to others. This theory is particularly relevant to FOMO when it comes to upward social comparison, the act of comparing oneself to someone perceived as more successful or better off. Children and adolescents often experience FOMO when they observe peers engaging in exciting activities or achieving milestones on social media. This triggers feelings of inadequacy or exclusion, as they compare their own lives unfavourably to others. The constant exposure to curated, idealised versions of others’ lives (image management theory, Siibak, 2009) amplifies these comparisons, leading to increased FOMO and negative self-perception.

• Endless Scrolling – Information Foraging Theory (Pirolli and Card, 1999) describes how people search for and consume information efficiently, similar to animals foraging for food. In this vein, individuals continuously browse social media for updates and experiences, driven by FOMO. Social media’s abundance of easily accessible information fuels this behaviour, intensifying the sense of exclusion.

• Coping Through Screens – The Theory of Compensatory Internet Use (van den Eijnden et al., 2010) suggests that people use the internet to cope with negative emotions such as loneliness or boredom. In the context of FOMO, individuals, especially children, may turn to social media to compensate for unmet emotional needs, deepening their reliance on online interactions. This behaviour can reinforce feelings of exclusion and heighten FOMO.

Therefore, when discussing this concept, it is important to be clear about the angle we are taking.

Now that we have briefly explored the key theories and definitions of FOMO, let’s turn to what research tells us about how it affects children in real-world settings. These studies not only highlight potential risks but also offer valuable insights into how parents can help mitigate these effects.

1. FOMO is exhausting.
Comparing yourself to others can be surprisingly draining. While this may not come as a shock, research has now clearly confirmed it. Tandon et al. (2021) found that FOMO significantly contributes to fatigue, particularly in the context of social media use.

At the heart of this is social comparison. Constantly monitoring what others are doing can increase feelings of anxiety, overwhelm, and tension. Over time, this creates a sense of mental exhaustion, as individuals feel compelled to stay updated on others’ lives and engage in passive scrolling that demands continuous attention.

The effect becomes even stronger when social media envy is involved. In this case, envy intensifies the relationship between FOMO and fatigue, amplifying its negative impact and highlighting the emotional toll it can take on overall well-being.

2. Family dynamics matter more than we think.
Parental factors and family structures play an important role in shaping adolescents’ susceptibility to FOMO and problematic internet use. In this sense, both parents influence how children engage with the digital world.

Interestingly, some research suggests that the role of fathers may be particularly significant. A study by Bloemen and De Coninck (2020), based on a sample of 831 adolescents aged 13 to 18, found that higher levels of paternal support and control were associated with lower levels of FOMO. In contrast, maternal support did not show a significant association in this study.

One possible explanation is that mothers are often seen as the “default parent,” meaning their involvement may be perceived as expected, while paternal engagement may stand out more. However, this interpretation should be approached with caution and understood within broader family and cultural contexts.

More broadly, these findings align with research highlighting the importance of family relationships in shaping children’s online behaviours (Chang et al., 2015; Lopez et al., 2015). On the other hand, parental conflict has been linked to increased risk of problematic internet use among adolescents (Ko et al., 2015).

3. Parenting style shapes how children experience FOMO.
Research by Richter (2018) highlights a clear link between parenting style and the development of FOMO. Since FOMO is often rooted in anxiety, more rigid or distant parenting approaches, such as authoritarian or neglectful styles, are more likely to contribute to it. In contrast, more balanced and responsive styles, such as authoritative parenting, may help protect against these feelings.

The study also found that the negative relationship between FOMO and self-esteem becomes stronger with age. In other words, as children grow older, those who experience higher levels of FOMO tend to report lower self-esteem.

This pattern was particularly pronounced among girls, who were also found to be more vulnerable to both school bullying and cyberbullying (Schneider et al., 2012), factors that can further intensify feelings of exclusion and anxiety.

4. FOMO is not always negative.
While it is widely recognised that FOMO can negatively affect young people’s mental wellbeing, it may also have a more nuanced, positive side. In some cases, it can strengthen a sense of belonging, particularly when individuals engage actively in social interactions rather than passively “lurking” or monitoring others’ activities (Roberts & David, 2020).

This effect may be linked to the brain’s reward response when we share personal experiences with others (Richtel, 2014). In this sense, FOMO, when experienced in moderation, may encourage connection and social participation.

5. The need to belong can sometimes work against us.
In many cases, the need to belong can become a vulnerability, as FOMO is closely linked to negative emotions such as envy (Yin et al., 2021). Research shows that individuals who are more engaged with social networking sites (SNS), particularly in a dependent or excessive way, tend to experience higher levels of envy, which in turn increases their susceptibility to FOMO.

This relationship is even stronger for those with a heightened need for social acceptance. In other words, children who are more sensitive to belonging and peer approval are more likely to experience both envy and FOMO. Importantly, this suggests that the need to belong may be a stronger underlying driver of FOMO than envy itself.

For this reason, it is essential to support children in developing emotional regulation skills. Equally important is recognising their need for connection and belonging, and helping them meet these needs in healthy, real-world ways. This may include fostering supportive peer relationships, encouraging social opportunities, and, where appropriate, working collaboratively with other parents and the wider school community.

6. Even parental education may play a role.
Could parents’ educational background influence children’s experience of FOMO? Some research suggests it might. A study by Coskun et al. (2019), based on a sample of 1,630 students, found that mothers’ level of education was positively associated with children’s levels of FOMO. In other words, higher maternal education was linked to a greater likelihood of children experiencing FOMO.

One possible explanation is that children in more highly educated families may be exposed to environments that place greater emphasis on achievement, social opportunities, and digital engagement. This, in turn, may increase their awareness of social comparison and connectedness, potentially intensifying feelings of missing out.

However, this finding should be interpreted with caution, as it may be influenced by broader social and cultural factors.

Conclusion

To conclude, FOMO is not just about missing out on events or experiences. At its core, it is about belonging, identity, and emotional security.

As we’ve seen, it is shaped by a complex mix of factors: from social comparison and digital environments to parenting styles and children’s need for connection. While some aspects of FOMO may even encourage social engagement, in many cases it can lead to anxiety, exhaustion, and feelings of inadequacy.

The important takeaway for parents is this: FOMO is not something children simply “grow out of.” It is something they need to learn to understand, regulate, and navigate.

And this is where our role becomes crucial.

In the next post, I will focus on practical, research-informed strategies that can help children cope with FOMO, build emotional resilience, and develop a healthier relationship with both their peers and the digital world.

References

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Chang, F.-C., Chiu, C.-H., Lee, C.-M., Chen, P.-H., & Miao, N.-F. (2015). Predictors of the initiation and persistence of problematic Internet use among adolescents in Taiwan. Addictive Behaviors, 50, 1–7. https://doi.org/10.1016/j.addbeh.2015.06.007

Coskun, S., & Karayagız Muslu, G. (2019). Investigation of problematic mobile phones use and fear of missing out (FoMO) level in adolescents. Community Mental Health Journal, 55(6), 1004-1014. https://link.springer.com/article/10.1007/s10597-019-00422-8

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https://www.nytimes.com/2014/06/15/technology/hooked-on-our-smartphones.html

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Tandon, A., Dhir, A., Talwar, S., Kaur, P., & Mäntymäki, M. (2021). Dark consequences of social media-induced fear of missing out (FoMO): Social media stalking, comparisons, and fatigue. Technological Forecasting and Social Change, 171, 120931. https://doi.org/10.1016/j.techfore.2021.120931

Tomczyk, Ł., & Selmanagic-Lizde, E. (2018). Fear of Missing Out (FOMO) among youth in Bosnia and Herzegovina—Scale and selected mechanisms. Children and Youth Services Review, 88, 541-549. https://open.icm.edu.pl/server/api/core/bitstreams/71dbbca2-1218-49b6-bac8-4216dde55f2d/content

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Yin, L., Wang, P., Nie, J., Guo, J., Feng, J., & Lei, L. (2021). Social networking sites addiction and FoMO: The mediating role of envy and the moderating role of need to belong. Current Psychology, 40(8), 3879–3887. https://doi.org/10.1007/s12144-019-00344-0