Digital Parenting Lab

How Parents Can Help Children Cope With FOMO (Without Simply Taking Their Phones Away)

By now, many parents recognise the signs of FOMO (Fear of Missing Out) in children and teenagers:

  • obsessively checking group chats
  • feeling upset after seeing friends hanging out without them
  • anxiety about missing trends, events, or online conversations
  • comparing their lives to carefully curated social media posts

And while banning phones may feel tempting in moments of frustration (we’ve all had that “give me the iPad now” moment), FOMO is rarely just about screens.

At its core, FOMO often reflects something much deeper:

the need to belong.

Children want friendship, inclusion, status, and connection—needs that are completely normal. Social media simply amplifies these emotions by making exclusion visible 24/7.

So what can parents actually do?

Here are evidence-informed strategies that may help.

1. Strengthen real-life friendships

FOMO often grows when children feel that their most meaningful social interactions happen online.

That’s why strengthening offline relationships matters.

Encourage:

  • playdates
  • extracurricular activities
  • sports teams
  • family gatherings
  • neighbourhood friendships
  • screen-free outings with peers

The goal isn’t to create a perfectly packed social calendar (parents are already unpaid logistics managers), but to help children build meaningful in-person connections where they feel valued.

Even simple rituals can help:

  • Friday pizza nights with cousins
  • park meet-ups
  • family board game evenings
  • inviting classmates over after school

When children feel socially secure offline, they’re often less vulnerable to online exclusion.

My eldest daughter and her friend decided to have a picnic playdate at the end of last week — and our youngest got to join the fun too 🙂

2. Create more screen-free fun at home

Sometimes children turn to screens because they genuinely don’t know what else to do. This is where parents can intentionally build alternatives.

Consider:

  • bike rides
  • baking together
  • nature walks
  • museums
  • crafts
  • gardening
  • family sports
  • reading time
  • cooking nights

Jonathan Haidt’s book The Anxious Generation includes useful resources for families trying to create healthier digital habits. https://www.anxiousgeneration.com/resources#parent

You may also find these organisations helpful:

No, your child does not need a wilderness retreat with goats and no Wi-Fi. Sometimes a football and decent weather will do.

3. Help children build a strong sense of identity

Social media thrives on comparison.

Children constantly see:

  • who is more popular
  • who looks “cooler”
  • who was invited somewhere
  • who appears happier

This is why identity development matters.

Talk to your child about:

  • what makes them unique
  • their strengths
  • their values
  • people they admire
  • what kind of person they want to become

Ask questions like:

  • What do you like about yourself?
  • Who inspires you and why?
  • What makes a good friend?

When children know who they are, they become less dependent on online approval.

4. Teach emotional regulation

FOMO often triggers emotions children struggle to name:

  • envy
  • sadness
  • loneliness
  • embarrassment
  • anger
  • anxiety

Many children simply label all of this as “stress.”

Try creating a daily habit of emotional check-ins:

“What made you feel happy today?”
“Did anything make you feel left out?”
“What helped you feel better?”

Even 10–15 minutes of conversation can build emotional awareness.

I also highly recommend Andrew Huberman’s conversation with Dr. Marc Brackett, which explores emotional intelligence and recognising complex emotions like envy.

5. Teach the “pause before scrolling” habit

Researchers Chan et al. (2022) developed a framework called Social Media Mindfulness Practice (SMMP).

It includes three simple steps:

Awareness

Help your child notice when FOMO appears.

  • Which apps make them feel worse?
  • Do they feel upset after seeing certain posts?

Insight

Help them reflect.

  • Why am I feeling this way?
  • Am I lonely?
  • Am I comparing myself?

Action

Encourage healthier choices:

  • log off
  • mute triggering accounts
  • message a real friend
  • go outside
  • do something offline

This is where children begin practising JOMO—the Joy Of Missing Out.

A deeply underrated life skill, honestly.

6. Teach self-compassion

Research by Barry & Wong (2020) suggests that children who constantly seek external validation may become more self-critical.

Help children understand:

  • missing one event doesn’t define them
  • not being invited somewhere doesn’t define their worth
  • they do not need to be included in everything

Teach them to speak to themselves kindly:

“This feels painful right now.”
“But it doesn’t mean I’m unimportant.”

That inner voice matters enormously.

7. Protect sleep

This one is often overlooked.

Research shows many adolescents use phones late at night, which can worsen sleep quality and increase compulsive checking behaviours.

Create simple boundaries:

  • no phones in bedrooms
  • device charging stations outside bedrooms
  • consistent bedtime routines
  • no endless scrolling “just for five minutes” (the greatest lie ever told)

Sleep deprivation makes emotional regulation significantly harder.

8. Consider safer phone options

If your child is not ready for unrestricted social media access, that’s okay.

Some families start with:

  • basic phones
  • watches with calling features
  • monitored devices
  • smartphones with parental controls

Bark Phone is one example that offers parental controls and content filtering.

Technology itself isn’t evil—but unrestricted access at developmentally vulnerable ages can be risky.

Final thoughts

FOMO cannot be solved through surveillance, shame, or endless confiscation of devices.

Children need:

  • belonging
  • identity
  • emotional resilience
  • healthy friendships
  • adults who model balanced technology habits

And perhaps most importantly:

they need parents who understand that behind “I need my phone back!” is often a child quietly asking:

“Do I still belong if I’m offline?”

That’s the real conversation worth having.

And perhaps one many adults need too… while pretending we don’t refresh Instagram stories for entirely professional reasons.

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