Recently, I found myself slipping into a routine: every morning while cooking breakfast, I’d pop Hey Duggee on the TV to keep my toddler entertained. It started as a quick fix, just something to keep tiny hands busy while I juggled eggs, toast, and lunchboxes. But over time, it became a habit. And while part of me appreciated the peace, another part couldn’t shake the inner voice whispering, “Is this okay? Am I relying on screens too much?”
If you’ve ever handed over a tablet during a tantrum or turned on cartoons to survive the morning school rush, you’re not alone. Screen time has become one of the biggest parenting dilemmas of our digital age, loved for its convenience, feared for its consequences. So what does the research really say about how our screen habits shape our children’s?
One place to start is with our own behaviour. In a large US study of 10,048 adolescents, Nagata et al. (2025) found that parental monitoring was associated with lower problematic screen use, while parents’ own screen use in front of their children was associated with less healthy screen habits.
The Digital Babysitter: Why Parents Rely on Screens
And what do parents do with the time when their children are busy with screens? Research confirms what many of us probably already suspect: the most common reason, mentioned by 71% of parents in a Dutch study by Geurts et al. (2022), was to keep children occupied so parents could focus on chores, work or conversations without interruptions. In other words, screens can act as a temporary ‘digital babysitter’ that frees up a little time. Interestingly, this was particularly common among parents of children under six – which, frankly, makes sense. About 32% of parents said they used digital media to create some personal relaxation time: to read a book, stay in bed a little longer or simply enjoy some quiet. Other reasons included managing children’s behaviour in public or during long waits, such as in restaurants or hospitals (35%); avoiding conflict or discussion over screen use (13%); making space for their own digital media use (10%); and, for 13% of parents, bonding with their children through educational content or shared activities on screens.
When Screen-Time Rewards Backfire
But screens don’t just buy parents time – they can also become a powerful bargaining tool. Many parents (myself included!) have handed over a tablet or offered a snack in a moment of chaos, whether to calm a tantrum or simply get five minutes of peace. Canadian research by Tang et al. (2018) suggests that using screen time, food or even physical activity to manage children’s behaviour can be associated with more of those behaviours in the long run. When screens are used to quiet or reward children, for example, they may end up spending more time on screens overall. Similarly, when food is used to soothe or motivate, children may consume more of those foods; using exercise as a reward can also increase physical activity. The takeaway is not that rewards are inherently bad, but that children pay attention to what we treat as valuable or powerful. That said, the relationship may also work the other way around: parents may use screen time as a reward or distraction precisely because their child already loves it (Tang et al., 2018). A 2025 systematic review of 87 studies involving children under five found a similar pattern: using screens as reinforcement was moderately associated with higher child screen use, with eight of the twelve relevant studies reporting a positive association (Pyne et al., 2025). A similar tendency has been observed among 12- and 13-year-olds: in a large US sample of 10,048 adolescents, using screens to control behaviour was associated with greater screen time and more problematic video-game use.
Another caveat is inconsistency: when screen-based rewards are offered unpredictably or rules change from one situation to another, this can create conflict and tension between parents and children (Minges et al., 2015).
In other words, children who are naturally drawn to screens may both get more screen time and have it used more often as a behavioural tool – which makes it tricky to know what causes what. Researchers call this ‘reverse causation’, and it is a reminder that parenting is rarely straightforward. To understand how these patterns develop over time, we need long-term studies that track both parenting habits and children’s screen use as they grow.
Screens aren’t the only rewards that can shape children’s digital habits. Research suggests that broader parenting practices may matter too. Lee et al. (2022) found that material rewards and autonomy-supportive parenting were associated with greater daytime and night-time media use among children.
Parents’ own attitudes appear to matter as well: more positive beliefs about screen use were associated with higher screen use among their children, and vice versa (Lee et al., 2022).
The Perils of Screen Time
Of course, how much time children spend on screens is only part of the picture. What they encounter there matters too. A Portuguese study by Dias and Brito (2021) found that many parents used tablets as digital babysitters – a quick fix when they needed a break or had other things to manage. Parents acknowledged the benefits of screens for learning and fun but were also concerned about addiction, poor sleep and social isolation. Even when they believed their young children were safe online, some described unsettling experiences. A 7-year-old girl recalled seeing a pornographic video at school and said she ‘didn’t like it, it was disgusting.’ Two boys had nightmares after watching scary YouTube videos, and a 6-year-old was approached by a stranger in an online game – although he ignored the message because ‘it was in English and he didn’t understand.’ Rather than closely supervising every moment, most parents focused on limiting screen time. One mother admitted, ‘most of the time she ends up using the tablet when I am not available, so we do not keep each other company.’ Despite saying they avoided violent games, some parents were surprised by their children’s favourites. As one 7-year-old put it, ‘we have to get guns to go to the next level and the goal is stealing cars’ (Dias & Brito, 2021).
Little Eyes Are Always Watching
Older children may already understand – and sometimes challenge – the way screens are used around them. But what about preschoolers and toddlers? If you’ve ever handed your phone to your child during dinner or replied to a work email while half-listening to a story about their day, you’re not alone. A fascinating recent Turkish study by Emine Ela Şimşek (2025), involving 27 children aged 4 to 6 (15 girls and 12 boys), suggests our little observers are taking mental notes – and not always the kind we hope for.
The study uncovered both direct and indirect ways our digital habits shape theirs. On the indirect side, parents’ tech use was found to influence children’s own habits and routines. Many children reported increased screen time (15 mentions) and the development of unhealthy behaviours (10), such as more sedentary time or skipping meals. They’re also picking up on our attitudes—normalising screens as an expected part of life (9) or seeing them primarily as a source of fun and comfort (8). The impact on family rituals is especially striking: screens at mealtimes (18) and reduced parent-child interaction (16) were common themes. One child summed it up candidly: “My mom and dad watch TV while eating, so I watch cartoons on my tablet.” More directly, children’s perceptions of their parents were shaped by how digitally “present” they were. Many described their parents as preoccupied (21), inattentive (19), or even emotionally distant (17). They noticed when parents were glued to devices, and they imitated it (thereby supporting the social learning theory). A number of children saw their parents modelling problematic technology use (17), using social media heavily (9), and demonstrating poor boundaries with tech (13). Only a rare few (3 mentions!) said their parents modelled healthy digital habits. Now, it’s crucial to acknowledge a key limitation: children at this age don’t fully grasp that their parent might be answering a work email, paying bills, or managing life admin. A phone in hand doesn’t always mean distraction; it can mean responsibility. But perception is powerful. And when a four-year-old sees a screen between them and their parent, the emotional message can still sting: “I’m not the priority.”
There may also be consequences for parents themselves. McDaniel et al. (2024), studying 264 parents of infants aged 0 to 13 months, examined the relationship between parental smartphone use and depressive symptoms. Greater smartphone use was associated with more depressive symptoms, although the researchers also found that parents’ perceptions of how responsive they were to their child mattered. Of course, correlation is not causation: smartphone use may be a response to stress or low mood rather than its cause. Still, the findings suggest that our own screen habits deserve attention – not as another reason for guilt, but as part of the broader picture of parental wellbeing.
It’s Not About Guilt, It’s About Awareness
And once we start examining our own screen habits, another emotion quickly enters the conversation: guilt. Parents’ screen use in front of children is receiving increasing public attention, raising the bar for what is considered ‘good parenting’ and adding yet another layer of pressure. As Robin Nabi puts it, ‘People feel guilt when they see their actions conflict with their internalized belief systems or standards of behavior.’ But it is equally important to ask where that guilt comes from – and whether it is justified.
As a parent, I still feel that familiar sting of guilt when I catch myself scrolling through my social feed while my kids are at home. Because of the socially imposed ‘maternal ethics of care’ (Miller & Strachan, 2020), mothers can face powerful expectations about how they should care for their children, often at the expense of their own physical or psychological needs. And thankfully, I am not alone in that feeling (Halfmann et al., 2025).
So are we truly guilty – or do we feel guilty because we think we should? That’s a crucial distinction. Surveying more than 600 US parents during the early months of the COVID-19 pandemic, Wolfers et al. (2025) found that parental screen guilt, rather than child screen time itself, was associated with greater parental stress and poorer parent-child relationship satisfaction. This suggests that guilt may not simply reflect actual wrongdoing; it can also be shaped by internalised cultural messages about what ‘good parenting’ looks like. Screens have become a symbol of lazy or distracted parenting in the public imagination, so even when we’re using them to survive, work or simply get a moment of peace, guilt can kick in. One way to think about this is as socially constructed guilt: the standards around us shape how we judge our own behaviour. So perhaps it is worth asking not only, ‘Am I doing it wrong?’ but also, ‘Whose standards am I measuring myself against – and are they actually helping me or hurting me?’
Miller and Strachan (2020) also highlight the importance of self-compassion rather than beating ourselves up over unrealistic societal standards. If you feel drained, taking a little time for yourself – even if that means scrolling through a few funny memes – can sometimes feel like a lifesaver.
Final Thoughts: Connection Over Perfection
The takeaway isn’t guilt – it’s awareness. Our tech use doesn’t exist in a vacuum. It shapes how our children see us, how they relate to technology themselves and how connected they feel at home. But with a little intention – such as screen-free meals or simply explaining when we’re using a device for an important task – we can shift that story. Ultimately, what our children need most isn’t a perfectly screen-free parent; it’s a parent who is present enough to connect.
In the end, our goal isn’t to banish screens but to model balance and connection. Whether it’s a video chat or a bedtime story, the most powerful thing we can offer our kids is our presence.
Let’s Keep the Conversation Going
Have you ever felt conflicted about your family’s screen time habits? What do screen-free moments look like in your home, and what’s your go-to survival strategy when everything’s chaos? I’d love to hear your thoughts, stories, or even tips in the comments. Let’s support each other in navigating the messy, modern reality of parenting in a digital world.
As an experiment, you could even ask your children to limit your screen time-just like Williams (2025) described in The Guardian. Feel free to share how it goes here too!
References
Dias, P., & Brito, R. (2021). “The Tablet Is My Best Friend!”: Practices and perceptions of young children and their parents. Young children’s rights in a digital world: Play, design and practice, 17-28. https://www.google.co.uk/books/edition/Young_Children_s_Rights_in_a_Digital_Wor/Xrg-EAAAQBAJ?hl=en&gbpv=1&pg=PA2&printsec=frontcover
Geurts, S. M., Koning, I. M., Vossen, H., & Van den Eijnden, R. J. (2022). A qualitative study on children’s digital media use and parents’ self-interest. Journal of Child and Family Studies, 1–12. https://doi.org/10.1007/s10826-022-02353-1
Halfmann, A., Wolfers, L. N., & Meeus, A. (2025). Can mothers avoid guilt about their smartphone usage behavior? Effects of the availability norm and goal conflict on guilt, recovery, and accomplishment experiences. Mobile Media & Communication, 13(1), 5–27. https://doi.org/10.1177/20501579241252098
Jensen, M., George, M. J., Russell, M.A., Lippold, M.A., Odgers, C. L. Daily Parent-Adolescent Digital Exchanges. Research on Child and Adolescent Psychopathology, 49, 1125–1138 (2021). https://doi.org/10.1007/s10802-020-00765-x
Lee, H. E., Kim, J. Y., & Kim, C. (2022). The influence of parent media use, parent attitude on media, and parenting style on children’s media use. Children, 9(1), 37. https://www.mdpi.com/2227-9067/9/1/37/pdf
McDaniel, B. T., Uva, S., Pater, J., Cornet, V., Drouin, M., & Radesky, J. (2024). Daily smartphone use predicts parent depressive symptoms, but parents’ perceptions of responsiveness to their child moderate this effect. Frontiers in Developmental Psychology, 2, 1421717. https://www.semanticscholar.org/reader/ee8306c113079b91a46854d3225d605e8a615054
Miller, C. L., & Strachan, S. M. (2020). Understanding the role of mother guilt and self-compassion in health behaviors in mothers with young children. Women & Health, 60(7), 763–775. https://www.researchgate.net/publication/338601358
Minges, K. E., Owen, N., Salmon, J., Chao, A., Dunstan, D. W., & Whittemore, R. (2015). Reducing youth screen time: qualitative metasynthesis of findings on barriers and facilitators. Health Psychology, 34(4), 381.
Nabi, R. (2024, May 1). Guilt over kids’ screen time is common, uncomfortable and can stress family relationships – but it can have a silver lining. The Conversation. https://theconversation.com/guilt-over-kids-screen-time-is-common-uncomfortable-and-can-stress-family-relationships-but-it-can-have-a-silver-lining-229164
Nagata, J. M., Paul, A., Yen, F., Ganson, K. T., Rasmussen, J., & O’Reilly, L. M. (2025). Associations between media parenting practices and early adolescent screen use. Pediatric Research, 97, 403–410. https://doi.org/10.1038/s41390-024-03243-y
Pyne, B., Asmara, O., & Morawska, A. (2025). The impact of modifiable parenting factors on the screen use of children five years or younger: A systematic review. Clinical Child and Family Psychology Review, 28(2), 458-490. https://link.springer.com/content/pdf/10.1007/s10567-025-00523-9.pdf
Şimşek, E. E. (2025). The Use of Digital Technology by Parents from the Perspective of Children. Turkish Academic Research Review, 10(1), 54-69. https://dergipark.org.tr/en/download/article-file/4449921
Tang, L., Darlington, G., Ma, D. W., Haines, J. (2018). Mothers’ and fathers’ media parenting practices associated with young children’s screen-time: A cross-sectional study. BMC obesity, 5, 1-10. https://link.springer.com/article/10.1186/s40608-018-0214-4
Williams, Z., Leon, G., and Dowling, T. (2025, January 18). When kids set their parents’ screen time rules: ‘I hit my limit before I even get out of bed’. The Guardian. https://www.theguardian.com/lifeandstyle/2025/jan/18/when-kids-set-their-parents-screen-time-rules-i-hit-my-limit-before-i-even-get-out-of-bed
Wolfers, L. N., Nabi, R. L., & Walter, N. (2025). Too much screen time or too much guilt? How child screen time and parental screen guilt affect parental stress and relationship satisfaction. Media Psychology, 28(1), 102-133. https://www.tandfonline.com/doi/pdf/10.1080/15213269.2024.2310839
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